Reflections on Funerals During COVID-19

It’s been nearly three months since the beginning of UK Lockdown and what has certainly proved the most pressured, emotionally and spiritually challenging period I have known in my many years as a minister.

The heartbreak for families who have lost loved ones to Covid-19 has been compounded by not being allowed to be present as a mother or father, grandparent or even child, has succumbed to the virus in hospital or care home.

Over the past few weeks I have conducted two double funerals for married couples who have both been overcome by Coronavirus; likewise for two sisters. In some small way I have shared in the grief of an inconsolable widow who herself returned home from hospital following treatment, only to see the husband who cared for her struck down with the virus and subsequently lose his own fight. 

I have helped say goodbye to a flamboyant and highly popular senior Airline staff member who had dedicated his life to helping disadvantaged groups and young people on the streets but then died with Covid after spending ten days on a ventilator in the same hospital that Boris Johnson was treated. 

This week, and beyond the power of words to express, I witnessed the abject sorrow of the family of an intelligent and ambitious nineteen-year-old black man. A keen Arsenal supporter, he was about to embark on his University education. He became one of the youngest victims of this cruel, inscrutable pandemic.

Those attending funerals have been confronted by unprecedented restrictions on numbers permitted. There was initially a fear that only so-called “direct cremations” would be allowed, with no mourners and maybe not even a minister or priest. Thankfully the inhumanity of this was quickly understood by government and local authorities. Although churches have been closed, crematoria and cemeteries have admitted a limited number of family and close friends, following government guidelines. These numbers are being gradually and cautiously increased, dependent on chapel capacity. 

I have been deeply humbled and impressed by the dedication and commitment of funeral directors and crematorium staff alike, who have sought to do everything within their power to support and encourage those whose grief has been compounded by present circumstances. 

Whilst it is perhaps understandable that funeral professionals haven’t often been mentioned when “front-line workers” have been praised - not good for national morale to be reminded all the more about death! -  the sacrifices made by those in the funeral sector have certainly deserved to be loudly applauded alongside the doctors and nurses, care home staff, shop workers and others who have served the public in these most trying of times.

The latest technologies have been used where possible - though admittedly with mixed results. The greatly increased demand for live webcasts has inevitably put a strain on Internet connections and families have sometimes been disappointed by the constant “buffering” that has occurred. However, even when this has been the case, a good quality audio-visual recording has usually been provided.

Occasionally we have been caught unawares - such as the celebrant who hadn’t realised the webcast was still “live” when, at the end of a ceremony, she commented on what she considered the “dreary old song” that had been chosen to finish. Unfortunately, family members were still watching, and they took exception to criticism of the grieving widow’s special choice! There but for the grace of God…

Things have thankfully quietened down in London as I write today. Indeed we are perhaps less busy than we usually would be in June. We hope and pray that the oft-mentioned “second spike” of infections doesn’t materialise. Meanwhile we continue to grieve with those who grieve, and look forward to better days to come.